Towards the end of the 80s, when I was a late teenager, the first portion of poetry I submitted to the literary magazine “Looming” (1) was rejected. A little while later, the same fate befell my first poetry collection, “Dirtbox game,” which was also rejected by the publishing house “Eesti Raamat” (2). After this experience, I quit writing poetry for about 30 years. Though, I’m happy with it because my poetry was terrible. I understood that it was not my cup of tea. I did write poetry, but not in rhythm or rhyme. 

Thanks to these rejections, I realized that such a phenomenon as the ability to write poetry is rare. It’s a unique sense of language, and I didn’t have it. After nearly 30 years, I started making more compact, shorter prose poems again because I didn’t want to read prose in public, and sometimes you have to read something when you’re invited somewhere. 

Interestingly, I don’t remember being very uncomfortable with the rejection. I didn’t get much feedback either. Even the manuscripts were not returned. I had a pleasant conversation with the editor-in-chief of the publishing house, who was exceptionally friendly, caring, and kind. During the meeting, it became clear that my work wasn’t cutting it, and everything was clear. I was a teenager and hadn’t published any prose yet, and when you are young, you experiment in several fields. For example, I did discos, and some band invited me to come behind the drums. You do sports and so on. In short, you do several things. And then you also write poetry and read poetry. So it was manageable. I didn’t become a drummer or athlete but started writing prose. Because the drive was there, I believed I cut it through somehow. If you want to do it, you just do it. For example, if you like a girl, you go for her, and maybe you get bumped, but you still go on. If she doesn’t like you, you move on and find another one, and you won’t cry for long. I also have prose rejected and many articles. But this is all normal. You must carry on.

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(1) Looming is the oldest currently published Estonian literary magazine.
(2) Eesti Raamat is the oldest continuously operating Estonian publishing house.