At the age of 25, shortly after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in dance, I was hired to perform in a new production. Although I enjoyed performing with the group of dancers, I started feeling like I was not good enough no matter what I did or said after each performance.

It appeared that the choreographers were experiencing personal issues and were under a great deal of stress, making me the target of their frustrations. When I was asked to repeat a choreographic move, no matter how I did it, they would tell me to work harder. The criticism was not constructive or objective, but rather was mean-spirited and bullying in nature. They weren’t giving any indication on being truly unpleased with my work until about two weeks before the premiere. They also revealed to me at that time that they had been dissatisfied for months.

One day, after a performance, I approached the choreographers and asked if there was anything I needed to change, as I am open to feedback on my strengths and weaknesses. They replied with a simple “no”. I was asked to come in way earlier the next day, even though they knew I lived more than an hour away. It was a stressful situation, as they changed their minds and seemed to want to make me suffer.

This experience caused a significant hit to my confidence, and I found it difficult to audition again. Instead, I relied on my friends and colleagues to include me in their projects, as it was easier for me. It was only after a couple of years when I shared my story with some of my colleagues who worked with the same choreographers that I realized they were notoriously difficult to work with and that what I experienced was a pattern. This realization helped me gain some reassurance and confidence as a collaborator and dancer.

Years later, I happened to run into one of the choreographers by chance, and I immediately realized how bitter they were about the project we both created. Meanwhile, I had already moved on with different artistic projects. Although I never fully understood how I could have met their expectations, this experience taught me to value constructive criticism and objective feedback which helped me to develop my abilities as a dancer further.