I was 19 years old when I first applied to art schools. I was just about to graduate from high school, and I had really high expectations of myself. I thought that I would definitely get into the Academy Of Fine Arts in Helsinki, the number one art school in the country.

However, just to be on the safe side, I applied to three other schools and even to a lesser known art school in my hometown, Imatra. However, I didn’t even make it to the entrance exam at the academy in Helsinki, nor at any other school either except the one in my hometown. I was disappointed because I thought I was so good at painting, but it felt like the school I ended up in didn’t reflect this, as it wasn’t considered among the best. I was afraid that I wouldn’t become anything. I decided that I would never apply again to the Academy Of Fine Arts in Helsinki since they rejected me. 

Well, years passed, I graduated from the art school in my hometown, and I decided that I would apply to Helsinki again, for masters studies this time. Many friends told me that I should not apply yet, that it’s difficult to get in as a fresh bachelors’ graduate. But I still applied because I thought that this time, I would definitely get in. But again, I didn’t even get to the interview. I was devastated, and promised myself never to apply to that school again to avoid the disappointment. Instead of studying, I kept working on my art as well as honed my writing skills, while participating in multiple art exhibitions. 

One and a half years later, I once again decided to apply for a third time. This time, I finally got to the interview stage and got accepted into the school. It was a big surprise for me, as I had been certain I would be rejected again. 

However, as my studies I had dreamed of for so long began, I realised that even though the school is very good, it wouldn’t just give anyone a big jump start in their career. I thought that this school was the best place on earth, while it appeared to be just a school. I also felt a bit of an outsider and thought that I was in the wrong place. 

Now, three years later, I’m happy that I didn’t get into the academy when I was 19 – there was so much pressure at that place that I think it would have been way too much for me at that time. I was so insecure and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. While at the other school I had time to really develop as an artist and to experiment with my work without all the pressure.