When I was 12-13 years old, I was an exemplary student, class leader, the coolest schoolkid around; I knew many students, and I got along well with the teachers. Everything was going smoothly until I joined a bad company; we went shoplifting and stealing shampoos. I didn’t need them, but I didn’t want to look a sissy and I tried to win their respect. At some point I just started stealing from people. I no longer needed partners in crime. One day, I was caught after stealing from school. It came as a shock to everyone, as the coolest kid turned out to be a thief. Instead of asking why I was doing it, I was publicly shamed in front of the entire school community: “Look at the thief standing before your eyes.” The whole school and family turned away from me. Everyone was terribly embarrassed. One day I was the best student, the next day everyone was pointing fingers at me at school and no one was speaking to me at home. I lost everything I had.

That’s probably how it started: My dreadful fear of making mistakes, perfectionism and an exaggerated desire to control everything. I was driven crazy by the fear that something would happen and I would fail. Fear interfered with my work to the point that I started loathing it. From the outside, it might have appeared that I was successful – the whole world was opening before me. For five years I travelled around the world with my exhibitions, but I hated those trips, I constantly felt bad, I was in constant tension, I suffered from psychosomatic pains. I felt that everything depended on me alone and that if I didn’t do what was expected of me, everything would fall apart. I thought I would be written off and no one would want me anymore if I made one mistake.

In the last few years, that archetype that I made up finally collapsed. It affected my work profoundly. I started making things that are appealing to me and I feel less need to please the audience. It made me more courageous as a creator.