I’ve been working with different art forms for years and also have a bachelor in model design, character and creative effects. I have been commissioned to do a few pieces, but it’s been difficult to gain enough time to do my art with a full time job and children. 

Two years ago I started applying for funding to be able to dedicate more time to my art. 

When I sent off my first application I had high hopes. I’d called the project “Playing games” and it was exploring the use of multifunctional interior pieces and their gamification potential. I even sent the application off to a friend saying “I’m super happy with the application, I think there’s a real chance of funding here as my project is different and original.” It was a premature and very optimistic assessment. 

When my application got rejected I was a bit surprised and very disappointed. I’d already started writing a proposal for an exhibition piece focusing on threatened flora and fauna. It was to be a large piece aimed at educating a wide audience. I thought I had a great concept and I was really hopeful.

When I received the rejection this time it was a bit of a blow. I had put a lot of work into those applications and it was all for nothing. It was like the air went out of me and I felt like my inspiration was taken away. I looked at some of the other applicants and it seems like they just want the traditional stuff. There is no room for new expressions. 

I didn’t see the point of writing time consuming applications and proposals for a long time after that. It felt like my art wasn’t wanted and that I would have to change what I did in order to fit in. It made me doubt what I was doing. 

In retrospect I was probably too optimistic. I’m not giving up, I will write more applications and proposals, but I will not change my art.